No feelings attached

Current mood : Anguish 
Current song : Simple Plan - Save You


Back to blogging!  hii peeps !
Saturday is sure a boring day for me :(
Woke up early in the morning, watch doremon as usual . Watch halfway, slept :x haha tired !
Continue sleeping till 1pm ! Pig right ?


Starts studying , not productive .
Easily distracted as usual .
Gah, absorbs nothing . 
Had been thinking about my prelims results :< 
Sighh, if I produce this kind of result in O levels , 
I don't know how would I react . 
Probably, I'll go crazy ? 
Lol. In the evening , I notice my phone didn't ring for the whole day . 
Something amiss. 
I went I check , then found out , it's running out of battery . LOL. 
Nokia phone can last for 3days ! Amazing right ? 
Much better than any other phone (Y) 


Seriously , im not used to my life currently. 
I'm a person, who is a game addict, I used to play computer games, at least 5hrs daily. Suddenly without it, I felt very uneasy . 
But since I made this decision , I must make the best of of it ! 
I didn't regret a single bit , cause I know it's for my own good :) 


When my mum came back from work yesterday , she was shocked that I dismantle my computer . 
She was happy about it . 
She was very supportive :) 
I'm going to make her proud someday, I promise :) 


After charging, I receive messages and miss call. 
All regarding , studying ! Gosh! So turn off . 
Hah. And a message which surprise me. From, my ex . 
She asked if I still wants back the ring ....... 
If not she going to throw away . 
I hesitated, should I take back ? 
In the end, 
I chose to take back . 
I'm not so heartless as her. 
 We met @ northpoint . 


She still stays the same . As least not worst than me ... 
I'm totally ruined . 
She passed me the ring , i kept it . 
We walk towards NP , she asked me to smile .... 
Lol ? So awkward :< 
I just turn away . 


We parted at NP , i went to meet my sister and mother . 
Sister went to buy clothes. 
For me, I bought books . 
Used my savings to buy. 心痛. 
Use my own saving then i'll know how to treasure the book :) 
After buying books, 
went for dinner -> buy coffee buns ! Haha favourite <3


Haizzz , something been bothering me .
I don't know how to break the news to my parents about my prelims result.
They would sure be very disappointed about me. 
I keep go out study w friends, yet I produce this kind of shitty result .
Sighhh...
FML .
If only, time can rewind, I wouldn't slack so much during sec3 -4 . 
I'm lagging way behind, trying to catch up whatever I can .


Too late to regret for anything , I'm going to work hard From now, 
hope it's not too late :)
Tomorrow going out with brothers for Billiard game :)
After this week, i had to really settle down and focus on studies .
Wish me goodluck peeps :)
Goodnight ~ 

Ruined

Current mood : Spite
Current song : Hot Chelle Rae - Tonight Tonight


Start off with my day by waking up late . 
Nearly late for school.
Sleepless night recently don't know why. Just can't sleep . 
Fidgeting w my phone till 2am . Insomnia :< 
Bath and went for school, it rain while I was otw the school. 
Practically, I bath 2 times. 
1st, bathroom 
2nd, in the rain ._. 


Reached school right on time . 
 Forget to charge my phone yesterday night, left w 9% during school. 
Went round to ask classmate if they happen to bring charger .
 Sadly no. Anyw no one would be texting me or so. 
So just left it to died on itself ._. 
 Today was Checking paper , not to mention about my result. 
It's atrocious . It's way too disappointing from what i expected to be. 
Literally , I almost failed all subject except for combined humanities . 
The effort was there , but result didn't show. I didn't know what went wrong seriously . Maybe I didn't understand the question ? Or careless ? 
Idk . 


 What really made me moodless for today was during Chemistry lesson. 
 The moment teacher step in the class, her mood was pretty good . 
Till when she gave out the paper, she used harsh, mean and sarcastic words to say about us. 
 I seriously was so pissed off . 
When I got back my paper, i was disappointed . 
I went back to my seats and self reflect what goes wrong... When she was going thru the papers, I was listening attentively . 
She came to my seats and criticise about my drawing of Alloys metal . 
That moment , I just felt like tearing up the whole test paper. I know I didn't perform well , but is there a need to use such hash words ? 
I just kept quiet, didn't bother to check my papers any further . 
For the whole day, I didn't have any mood for anything . 
 Anger , frustration and disappointment. 
All the paper that I'd receive, im on the verge of giving up . 
 Maybe she's right, coming to sec5 was a wrong decision. I might as well go to ITE. I want to prove her wrong ! 
I'm going to do well, and show it to her face . 
Most importantly, I want to make my parents proud. 


 Ohya, dad left overseas yesterday :( Hope this time he will buy something nice for me ? :) 


 After school, went to Yong Xiang house to borrow his phone . 
As was promised yesterday , I want to change phone . 
 Now it came true . I guess I will not get used to the messaging... 
 No Internet access, no games :) 
 Played WII While waiting for my phone to charge. 4 pm and went home -> bath-> blog.
Till now didn't have anything. After getting my result , didn't ate anything .
Appetite lost .


Got phone done. Now left w computer, Disassemble ! This would take sometime though. I plan to disassemble this weekend :)
Now my priority would be studies first, everything else can wait till prelims 2 and O levels .
Coming back to sec 5 was not a easy journey . I'm going to fight for it .
I'm going to break all social network, as it will cause hinderance to my studies .
Hope I will be able to achieve all these .
Put in quite a lot effort but still didn't got what I want.
-One mistake and everything is ruined.
Screw up my prelims. Cannot be repented .


-Thanks you to every person who has ever told me I can't. You are just another reason i will.


Tomorrow will be taking class photo :)
And going thru papers too :( another dreadful day ....
Hair is getting long, should I trim it ?
Haha, maybe not today I guess. Don't want to regret when on the photo shoot :>


Guess I'm off for dinner .
Do follow me @ twitter . @ah_bin95
Ciaos~


-I'd rather be naturally imperfect than be unnaturally perfect♥

A day at home

Current mood : relaxed
Current song : Christina Perri - Jar Of Hearts


Back to blogging ! Due to time constraint from prelims, didn't have much time blog .
Prelims, I don't think I put enough efforts on it . So I don't expect good results, I'm going to learn from my mistake :)
Easily distracted by my surroundings .
Computer and phone is the majority .
I'm determined to study this time round !
I even had plans for it :D


Firstly, I will quit playing . By doing so, I'm going to disassemble my computer parts ._. That should stops me from being a addict .
*This only will take effect from next week onward *


Secondly, I'm going to change my phone .
Change to those kind of army standard phone which have no Internet access .
I hope I can find one though.
Thirdly, I packed my room today, my stuff have been like lying arounds for weeks because finding notes to study or upcoming exams . Woke up 6+am , body alarm :(
Used to wake so early for school.
Didn't manage to get back to sleep, so I thought I might as well use the time to pack my stuff .
After sorting out worksheet and books. I mop and vacuum my whole room. While was vacuuming the room, my toe knock against the bed :< small cut, and bled.


After spending 2 hours of packing, when I was about to play computer, Yong Xiang called , ask of wether wanna have breakfast . Recently he's very random, he called me randomly and meet up ._.
So ate Ya Kun @ northpoint . After that, went to timezone, while waiting for my friend to come .
Watch Yong Xiang play jubeat . Play jubeat need to study the waves . 
I wonder how long to master it o.o... he's really good (Y)


After playing, we parted at mrt station and I went home .
Watch funshion .. 
This whole week, i'm going to enjoy myself , next week starts intensive mother tongue, meaning, whole day 
study mother tongue language . boring max ;x 
prelims ended not long, mother tongue papers starting soon alr :( 

So much books to keep me entertain from today onward :(

Saturday , celebrate mother's day !
A fun day filled. Celebrated w family.
When aunt was going back, send her a text for coming to celebrate mother's day.
Haha, i glad I had a aunt that care so much about me :)
let the pictures do the talking :D

 Mother's day cake !

 haha my brother, he hiding ._.

 He appeared ! 

Shall end my post here, 

head hurts :(

Partly, is because woke up very early ...

going to catch some sleep for tomorrow school :D

It's painful to think you will never be mine but it is even more painful to realize i knew it all the time.

Reminiscence

Current mood: Defeated 
Current song : Hedley - Invincible

The title says its all.
Back to blogging, recently very busy with Prelims exams . Wake up-> exams-> home-> eat -> sleep-> study . Boring life .
Last 2 paper , Chemistry paper 1 and POA . Going to take a break before mugging with my books :)


This post is about my past, that I had faced .
Everyone had their setbacks and failure in their life . It goes the same for me, I'm a failure .
The greatest setback in my life is failed in relationship ...
I always thought she was the one for me. I gave her the best and gave up everything for her . But still, she left .....
The reason: unknown
That period of time, I'm at the deepest point of my life , I felt that I lost everything .
She was everything to me, I never thought of her leaving .
Used to promise each other that one day we would marry till when the time is right, study hard for our O levels for now .


Silly promises, but, I believed .


I remember on a faithful night, when I was sleeping soundly.
I received a call from her, in her call, she says that her asthma had acted up . She can't find any medicine in her room, she had difficulties in breathing.


I was so worried , it was in the middle of the night . I didn't care anything else, I just took the house keys and left .....


My heart was racing, the feeling was afraid to lose her . She sounded very sick on the phone. That late night, bus service was closed already . I ran all the way to her house ....


When I reached her doorstep, her sister came and unlock the door for me . Rush to find her, she look very pale .
Felt so useless , she was so miserable, yet i can't do anything to lessen the pain. The only thing I could do, is to stay by her side and comfort her till her parents were back ....
That night, I will never forget the whole incident . I had nearly lost her .


3 months already going to 4 months that we had break-up.
Feelings faded , but memories was etched .
I'm surprise how she forget everything about our relationship which lasted for 1year 4months .
That point of time, i felt anger and fear of losing her . I tried ways to hold her back, but she chose to leave ....


Thanks to my brothers and sister that stood all along by my side. I manage to overcome all obstacle .
But on the other hand, my parents was questioning our relationship .
I didn't know how to tell them about us.


I drink and smoke that whole night with my brothers . I thought by doing it will lessen my anger and agony .
But, it didn't helped at all .
i always put up a strong front, but now, i guess i can't anymore :(
Even till now, whenever I see her , memories will start to flashback about our past .

Memories were still kept. Looking back at all these pictures, i smiled to myself.
At the same time, controlling tears from falling again .
Times and times I failed when it comes to this.
Recently I heard she is doing quite well, hope she keep it up bah :)
People changes as time pass, for me I didn't . Because I don't have to impress anyone in my life .
-True love leaves a memory no one can steal and a heartache no one can heals .


When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me.
Hope you will find a better guy . I'll give you my blessing .


Someone once told me,
When someone walks out of your life, let them. There's no use in wasting time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied with them. Yeah, you may miss them. But remember you weren't the one that gave up.


-Tears falling w/o any controlling, once again.
Failed to stay strong♥

Relaxed

Current mood : Jubilant
Current song : Harlem Yu - 情非得已

Woke up at 7am, thought was late for school ._. 
Forgot it's Saturday ! 
Lols, can't sleep anymore :< waiting for 9.30am ...... 


 9.30am- Doremon showing ! So funny, if only I has one doremon :< 
 My life would be much more interesting and won't Fret so much about my studies ._. 


10am, friends asked me out to study._. Gah, didn't go w them because was late and lazy to go out >.< Continue back to sleep till 1pm


1pm-Yong Xiang called me if wanna study tgt . But it's a public holiday, Vesak day . Library had close , no idea where to study :< In the end, he suggested to come my house. That's the only way to study at a place with tables and chairs. I went to northpoint to meet him first because didn't had anything for breakfast and lunch :< 
He went to jubeat, after that we bought mac take away and brought it to my house . 
It's very packed in mac, can't find any seats . Even on public holiday fast food restaurant are packed ! 
Otw home, he lit a cigarette . He didn't changed a single bit >< 
Reached home ! Ate mac and study for Tuesday prelims . I think I am going to do badly for it :< no confident at all. 
Did natural vegetation for geography . Wrote 4 full page, spent 3 hours ! The result was , having a swollen middle finger :( it hurts so badly . The skin nearly came off . Dafug . Accumulated from my social studies prelims . Hope my efforts paid off :> 
 Didn't have the mood to study anymore. 
5pm, sent yx to northpoint . Have a good chat with him . In the past everyday was party , go home late and slack around. But now ? .... Study like hardcore . 
Life in secondary 5 had totally changed . 
I miss the past with my brothers, With any of them, my life would't be so much of fun already :D
 After prelims, we'll have an outing again ! 


After sending yx home, didn't have mood to continue to study.
Played audition, my finger was in pain :< 
But still I won some games :) click to enlarge ! 

 Doing Muacks pose ^^

 So close of losing >.<

 35 fam points :D

Win limelight :> but perf still lose !

Try doing this !

So are you the smart one ? :D

Lastly...

-You don't really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely..

I'm not PERFECT ♥

Current mood : Frustration
Current song : Hedley - Perfect

Didn't have much sleep from yesterday night :< slept around 11pm, memories for social studies. 
 3am woke up to continue with memorising But very exhausted :/ study for 1 paragraph and went back to sleep .
 6.15am woke up! Woke up by text . 
If not someone text me , I bet I'll be late for exams ._. 
Reached school, rushing through my notes one last time before the exams start. 
8am, combined humanities SS ! The paper was hard ><
I left sbq last question did not cross reference for reliability . 
This not the worst of all.... What's worst is , I left seq 13 marks question blank :x Don't think will score well for ss ._. I keep dosing off .

last few minutes trying to scribble ;x

Mother paper was quite ok overall ... quite manageable (: 


When home after the papers !  tired ttm, woke up early in the morning to revise through ...
Text her , didn't reply .
On audition saw her .
Hop to other rooms.
Came for one game and left .
Text her what's wrong , didn't reply again...
No mood play, want to random room. Saw her , in one of the room and appear offline .
Don't know what's wrong . Felt so moodless.

 - i cant understand out relationship. sometimes 

i feel like we are friends. sometimes 

i feel like we are more than friends 

but sometimes i feel like i am a stranger to you.

Vexed

Current mood : Vexed
Current song : After school - Because Of You

English prelims over , from today onwards , English periods will sub with math till prelims is over :< Today had 5 periods of math lesson ! Sian's, sit on a chair for 2h30min. Lucky still had friends here with me to entertain :>


-Recess, we brushes across each other .
In my heart I told myself , I hate to see you .
My friends add salt to my wound :<
 Haha but I am glad I left her , at least I am not so stupid already :) I am happy with my life now without her . I had my family and friends who stood beside me when I needed them . That girl ? I have no room for her ......

I do not need you in my life :D

Poa had surprise test ! Didn't study for it . I slept 2 periods , and handed question half done paper :/ 5 period of math is already very stress, still have another 3 periods of POA  , Stressed >.<


After school went when alone, listening to my music . Halfway through, it started drizzling , and my music was playing After School - Because Of You. Slow down my pace and began to enjoy being in the rain . Lots of memories flash past . The atmosphere was so nice :>


When I reached home :< drenched !
 After yesterday , didn't have the courage to text her anymore . Awakened ttm ;x  


When was playing audition . Something surprise me her own friends told me that they regretted know her . She has changed a lot from the past . Even her own friends also can't stand her ... what else can i say ? Speechless. 


The end ~

Fun filled day :)

Current mood : shag ;/
Current music : 童话

Morning had breakfast with parent @ northpoint . I had A..m twister .
After that went home
Prepared to go out for movie in the evening.
Did something today that I felt so happy .
I save some money to buy SOUL earpiece .
But mother's day is around the corner , I decided to use the money to buy a cake for my mum on that day to surprise her :)
Although sometimes she might be nagging and scolding me. I find it annoying and irritated . But I know what she is doing is mean well for me . I appreciated it :)
We should not take things for granted .


-4 left house and went for movie ! the avenger !
The movie is comedy anyw , its worth watching :D 


After movie went for lunch at ishi murah , the food that I ordered, was uncooked . Didn't know that the food standard drop so much . The noodles was so hard to shallow down my throat :x
The last time I had it, wasn't like this .
Went was about to go home , I saw Mrs Koh, our poa teacher . But now she's has gone back to her work and not teaching anymore :/ she is a good poa teacher . I remember when N level was around the corner , I ask her out to study with me until very late . She didn't even complain about tiring . So far from all the poa teacher that taught us, I still prefer Mrs Koh .


-8.30 Reached home . I felt so stupid . I did something so foolish . I will never do this again .
The end ~