Wake up at 7am, its dark in the house ._. There was a heavy rain, such a day, I would always sleep till very late. Hmms, I now I am like wide awake, didn't know what to do ._.Rain sometimes reminds of her, afterall, we met in the rain. Recently I walked pass the old place that we used to go. It's being renovated , but memories of her still flashing . Sighh, I wonder this would carry on how long . Shuld't ponder so much stuff, should get some sleep ;) addicted to a song recently. Enjoy the video :)
Played audition to relief stress :) indeed I am much better. Wsjy had made me laugh like a idiot in front of a com , which I feel like so stupid okays._. It had been a long time, I didn't fake any smiles :) It's almost 10pm, decided to take dinner , and bath . Hmms, tmr is Saturday, I guess it would be a boring one ? [Sometimes living in the fantasy world is much better than the reality world ]
Today lost mood :( What really happen to me ? ;/ Life for me, are getting hard & bitter I really don't know what to do, can anyone teach me ? theses few days, feel so lifeless.
Cherish things & people you havenow before it's gone. Grab them with your both hands & never let go. You will regret for sure, if you don't grab them tightly now.
Currently, tears rolling down my cheecks :'( wipe & wipe, what else ? there is nothing i could do. i'm useless .
Parents, Brothers, Friends & co. will you be by my side when i need you ? touch your heart and tell me your answer .
Just came back home around 2 pm. skip lunch again, eatting alone is boring. Play audition awhile before blogging. For the whole day, been trying to concentrate in class. keeping myself occupied, to stop thinking about her .I think i screwed up my Chinese paper 2. i couldn't even finish it. i think all that i wrote was rubbish ._. Today my is NAFA 2.4km, i ran 11.40. which i didn't expect. cause all the while i was like running 13~14 minutes. Gah, still didn't manage to get A which was disappointing. After that run, i used up all my energy, i felt nauseous . Next week going to be the 5 station, aim to get a gold ! Sigh, i am such a failure in life. This morning, my parents went overseas, i was like in the dark. they didn't even tell me that they are going, when i woke up. i didn't see them, i called them, they didn't answer. i only know when i text my brother. Sighh, i am always the last to know everything. Felt so lonely, Bored Bored Bored ! Dinner ? Skip ? hah ...
Tears rolling down my cheeks again & again. can't hang on much longer :'(
This morning was so fuacked up, I walked to school as usual. When I walked pass through void deck, I saw her again, resurfacing in my life . I pretended never see until her, and continue listening to my music. When we reached the traffic lights near school. A bus drove pass us, I saw the reflection her. I remembered the old times, but she had a new life . I should move on .
I had enough of thinking of her. Does faking a smile, means staying strong too? Putting up a strong front is really tiring. i had so much of problems recently, and she keep reappearing in my life. I wonder how long can i take it anymore.
-Maybe It's time to let go of all this and start over again. After all, I can no longer smile because of you. Someone else out there, makes me smile more. A genuine smile that you can't put on my face anymore. My heart is in a million pieces and I can't fix it back.
My grandmother last 2 weeks had been diagnosis with lung cancer 4 stage. the news was shocking, all along her health was okay. The next moment she is so weak, she keep complaining having sharp pain. All my parents could do is to give her pain-killer to subside the pain temporarily. My grandma had been taking care of me since i was young, see her in such pain, i could do nothing, i felt so useless. My parents and relative didn't tell my grandma of her health condition, because they don't want her to be upset or worry about anything else. The doctor says she is too old for operation and the percentage of survival is very low. For now, i am trying to visit her when i am free. i feel so empty, i used to have dinner with my family together. Now, my dad is always coming home late due to having late meeting, my mum is staying with my grandma. my brother and sister are coming home late as usual. my house become so quiet and empty, everything changes.
The purpose of creating this blog, is to vent out everything . I had enough of keeping everything to myself and putting up a strong front . Maybe writing it down, makes me feel much better I guess. My life is still in a mess, I don't know what's my real goals in life till now ._. O levels coming, people are burning midnights oils to study. While I am like staring into space . I had a goal . But it is pointless for me to reach the goal. I said I would do it with her . But now, she's gone everything seems to changed .... Totally. I had regretted loving her . I regretted loving her so deeply . It's hard to withdraw myself from her. I am tired of crying . I don't want to drop a tears because of her . I am tired, I need a break. It's had been 2month since we break. I should have accept the truth ;x
